theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
