you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
