glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
