You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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