you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's just like the Real World with babies
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
