Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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