i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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