Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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