She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
