Don't make out with my wife yet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
