I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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