you didnt know i had herpes?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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