I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
