If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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