You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
