all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
