Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
