She's JV to your varsity
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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