It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
