smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
false alarm. still invincible.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
