and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this just has baby written all over it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
