So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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