We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
