how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
