I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
