Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
