It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
