my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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