I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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