I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
