Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
please come you make the beer taste better
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who died my cat blue again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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