If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
