Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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