i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
