a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
