My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
