I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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