how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
