in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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