We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
