Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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