Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
