He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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