Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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