I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
