When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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