I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
