If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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