Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
