I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
