I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
